Two Years Later

I began my morning with the entirely uninspiring act of catching up on laundry. It’s not glamorous, but it’s necessary and real, and I certainly want to share just as many real moments as I do magical ones here. Far too many people compare themselves to others online without realizing that they are looking through a selective and filtered lens.

It doesn’t get more real than laundry I’ve been avoiding for several days staring up at me from my laundry room floor. 

However, luckily for me, there was a bit of magic later in my morning too. 

As Michael and I sat together discussing the state of our nation I heard a small giggle. There she was, completely unconcerned with our conversation, carefully and deliberately setting up her animals exactly where she wanted them. She rearranged them several times, moving this one to the left instead of the right, nudging this one an inch closer to the one next to it, and then when they were all exactly how she thought they should be she proceeded to hold Court. She babbled and sang and giggled away, tossing her little hands about to emphasize her points, and I had to smile thinking about the wild mix of emotions I was having exactly two years ago; The day I found out she was coming. 

All of our children required a little extra help, but trying for her was harder than any of the others, and it put a strain on us in ways I hadn’t been prepared for. We’d decided that July was the last month we could put ourselves through that, that if I wasn’t pregnant after July we would stop, and for the first time ever there was fear and worry along with the joy of a positive test. 

Looking back at that now I can’t imagine if she hadn’t come along. How could I have ever been worried that this would ever be anything other than exactly what we needed most? Looking at her now she’s so much more than we ever could have dreamed or hoped for when we discovered she existed two years ago, and I am so very thankful that she does! 

There are no more positive tests in our future. That chapter of our lives is over, and there will always be a part of my heart that is a little bitter sweet over that. If we had to close a chapter though I can't think of a better way to have ended it.